The holidays are a natural time of year for remembering loved ones who we’ve lost. My own mother passed away from breast cancer just over 14 years ago. I think of her year round but she is especially missed this month and even now, the Christmas traditions we’ve carried on within our family, are still a bit hard without her.
This past June, Brigitte Davlut, a friend and supporter of Rethink passed away from breast cancer just a few days after her 33rd birthday. I can only imagine how much her family is missing her and how especially difficult the holidays will be for them this year.
We at Rethink miss Brigitte greatly. I feel like I’ve procrastinated on sending out a tribute to Brigitte because it’s too surreal and too hard to believe that such a vibrant, young woman, who was such a valuable advisor to our charity, is really gone.
From the moment we met Brigitte, she had an immediate impact on us. She was smart, funny, outgoing and so full of ideas. She was eager to share her story and passionate about raising awareness of the unique issues that affect young women with breast cancer. She was positive and upbeat (her mom describes her as a ray of sunshine) but she was all of this in a very “real” way. We always appreciated her sarcastic edge and wry sense of humour.
She was one of the first women who really made us aware of the unique needs facing young women with breast cancer and influenced our decision to expand our charitable objectives to include funding supportive care programs for young women with breast cancer.
Brigitte wanted to take her dreadful disease and make something good out of it by helping other young women affected by breast cancer. Less than a week before Brigitte died, we had a Rethink “meeting.” It was important to Brigitte to see the get together as a “meeting” rather than a friend visiting her at her deathbed. We had tea and talked for over two hours, mostly about the writing Brigitte wanted to do in the weeks ahead about her experience with metastatic breast cancer. She had planned to go to her family cottage where it was quiet and she could really reflect and write about her journey. Her ticket was booked but she never made it, instead passing away with her husband and family by her side at their home in Toronto.
One of the biggest challenges for Brigitte was the isolation and alienation that came along with her recurrence. Brigitte was, in her words, an “uber patient.” She was given a very poor prognosis at the time of her initial diagnosis three years earlier. She had inflammatory breast cancer, an aggressive and rare form of the disease. Brigitte approached treatment and recovery with the same rigor she approached everything in life. She did tons of research and made sure she was informed on everything that came her way. Her oncologist once mentioned that she was often better informed and prepared for the medical meetings than the medical people themselves! She participated in support groups, did yoga, meditated, networked with survivors, received therapy, and modified her eating habits — anything that would give her an edge and help in her fight against the disease.
Defying expectations, Brigitte did well and became sort of a “poster-child” for young women with breast cancer. Her outgoing personality, articulate communication style and flair for research and writing meant she was sought out to participate in media interviews, documentaries, newspaper articles and speaking engagements. She loved making a difference.
It was obviously devastating when the news arrived that the breast cancer had come back and with a vengeance. At first she took it in semi-stride - “OK, so what’s the plan.” She rallied her spirits to fight once more but treatments failed her this time around, and all too soon she was being told to start getting her affairs in order. After treatment and recovery being a large part of her life for nearly three years, it was really difficult for her to hear that there weren’t any options. The whole process ended so abruptly.
Brigitte wanted to write about this experience of going from poster-child to failed case. The isolation and stigma of metastatic breast cancer was devastating to her. She had loved to teach and inspire. Now, she had other patients telling her “You’re my worst nightmare.” She hated thinking that her story, which had once encouraged and motivated, now scared people.
What Brigitte may not have realized was that she continued to teach and inspire right to the end of her life. I remember asking Brigitte’s mom, who moved from Winnipeg to Toronto to help Brigitte in her last few months, how she could even handle it. She said, “Brigitte is my teacher. I’m just following her lead on this.”
As her mom, Yvette, has said:
“Brigitte taught many of us the meaning of life. She was a wonderful teacher of living, but a more incredible teacher on the subject of how to come to the end of her journey in a healthy, honourable and glorious manner. She taught us how to end a living journey with care, compassion, dignity and honour. Life was not about the dreadful disease.....it was about life itself...a healthy one within...it was about her life...the person she was....”
Brigitte maintained a positive attitude even days before she died when she was in excruciating pain. She could still smile and her eyes were still bright. She wanted to be aware and to end her journey with purpose.
That was Brigitte... just one more thing to do...one more project...one more appointment...one more course...one more lesson...one more program...one more celebration...one more thank you...one more laugh...one more hug...one more kiss...one more I love you...and one more farewell....
Thank you, Brigitte, for sharing so much of your self with us. We miss you!
XO, MJ
